mspixieears's dream blog

dream, Mon 27/2//2012

I'm in my winter high school uniform. A guy on a neon orange skateboard skates past me and bumps my right ankle. He turns around to smirk. I shoot him a nasty look, which apparently was something of a (real life) skill I possessed back in high school. It's enough to distress him. He comes back up to me and says sorry and that I should have moved out of the way. I tell him in the most sarcastic manner I am capable of that I'm very sorry that my body just happened to be in his way and that it's terrible that I occupy so much space. He frowns but is amused.

I don't know where I am but it's very spacious, outdoors and like an empty shopping centre, after hours. It's very quiet and grey. There is so much space. In one room, there is a bunch of people and they are all sitting on the floor eating hand-cut chips. The chips are really thick. It appears that my mother has prepared them. I ask if I can pinch a chip off her plate and she says of course. 

I then go into an industrial kitchen. For some reason I am the one who has to clean it up. My brother won't help me. A (fictional) ex-girlfriend of his accuses me of wasting my father's money. I explain to her that aside from some very expensive medical bills, I am supported by a sickness allowance from the government and that despite this, where I get financing from is none of her business. In the dream, it is not the first time she has chastised me for these financial issues.

I run out of the kitchen to find an industrial rubbish bin. Someone catches me. I tell him I am not important and the joke is on him - I'm just searching for a rubbish bin. He looks disappointed. He is also in school uniform. I see an old classmate E. She tells me I need to go to Singapore or Hong Kong department stores where they have excellent rubbish bins for public use. I explain that I am not going to Hong Kong or Singapore just for bloody rubbish bins.

The neon orange skateboard guy sees me and begins to chase me. He no longer has his skateboard. I run and hide in a unisex toilet. He has trouble finding me as I dart in and out of the different cubicles but I know he is going to catch me. Eventually I give myself up, explaining that it was embarrassing watching him search. He grabs me by the upper arms and pushes me against a wall. I close my eyes, I can smell his scent and something about it is intoxicating. He places my hands at his hips and I try to ignore the warmth of his bare skin. He moves in to kiss me, I tilt my head away. He lifts me up and carries me like a child.

After he stops carrying me, I go to a stall that has misspelt its sign. An old man in butcher's garb asks if he can help me. I choose a piece of cake with the name 'Wellington' in it, and some flat sweet pastry thing. I need one more thing, this is all for breakfast. Just as I spot three kippers, he begins to suggest it. I shake his hand and thank him for the recommendation and help. We talk about how people very rarely stock kippers, let alone eat them for breakfast.

dream, Mon 2/4/2012

I've been dreaming and remembering heaps but haven't had any time to jot them down which is a shame as they've been so vivid and sometimes more beautiful than my life. Here's a fragment of a recent one.

A former poetic mentor and my favourite high school English teacher were walking side by side and my mentor made eye contact with me. I noted that he did not look guilty for making his unwanted sexual advance. 

A former lover worked at the library we were all outside. It was some alternative Melbourne University. I rarely used the library but caught him briefly at the entrance. He was concerned for me and saw I was distressed though I did my best to hide it. We parted, his eyes warm and friendly, his beard a little shorter than I recalled.

My high school friend Louise was also around. I asked her when would be the best time to go for a nudie run around Melbourne University and was already naked. In the dream, I was finally happy with my body because I was skinny. I was woken up before I could hear her answer.

dream, Sun 26/2/2012

It's been ages since all of the following conditions actually happened:
a. I had a dream
b. remembered said dream
c. said dream was not a nightmare
d. too graphic or personal

I was walking around in the suburb of my old university and the previous neighbourhood I lived in, dodging cars and trams as I crossed the road. I went to a supermarket and my brother and father were both there. The craft beer brand Feral was available in said supermarket and they were launching. The salesman talked to me like I didn't know anything about beer which was amusing, despite my shouting out "Feral Hop Hog!" in child-like excitement.

I ended up buying two miniature keg-like things of beer, though not of the Hop Hog. One was a dark beer (I love dark beer styles in real life). I got cross with my brother because he nearly lost my kegs. My father went into some weird refrigerated section to purchase fruit and vegetables and I exited the supermarket alone.

Walking down the street, I saw a tall fellow. He had wavy blond hair naturally streaked with light brown, had a slightly athletic build and was tanned. He was apparently my housemate. He saw me and smiled and we walked around Carlton together. Even though I barely knew him, it was like we were old friends, very comfortable with each other. He took my hand. I looked up at him and smiled slightly. We continued to walk. Eventually, I nestled my cheek into his arm. One of us - I don't recall whose voice - said "I love that we can do this. We're not lovers, we're not old friends and yet we can walk together, holding hands, and it feels safe." I looked down at our hands, lightly clasped and focussed on the emotional warmth. He looked a little like a (real-life) ex-workmate of mine.

Eventually we entered an art-decoish building and were told we had to take some kind of class. He was a visual artist so I thought he'd pick the illustration module but he chose something else. I chose a module that was supposed to teach me how to prepare cucumbers and warned that I may have to eat cucumber, which was supposed to deter me but I pointed out the brunette fellow that I loved cucumber. He told me he was a virgin rather animatedly. I said "Good for you. I'm not. I like penis and vagina." He blushed and went away to talk to my housemate.

I was given a Wombles ruler, but battery-operated and couldn't figure out how to connect it all up. A lady tried to show me but she had trouble with its compartments also. It resembled something I own in real life (yes, an actual Wombles ruler!). I wandered out of the room, my lovely blond fellow came after me. We walked more and I recall him tenderly bending down to me, we were facing each. I clumsily tried to kiss him. He pushed me away in embarrassment and awkwardness. "No, not like this, not here. I should be the one to kiss you first," he gently chastised. I felt a sort of teenage humiliation and we continued to walk and I said I'd never try to kiss him again. He tried to kiss me 'properly', that is, in some sort of stereotypically romantic fashion but I kept shying away. It felt weird being so bashful. We continued to walk, holding hands.

dream, Mon 2/1/2012

I looked in the bathroom mirror and opened my mouth wide to see that I had two rows of teeth in my lower jaw. It frightened me as I knew I'd have to go to the dentist to get the inner lower row of teeth pulled out.

dream, Fri 30/12/2011

I was talking to a former friend who had a similar history of illness and sexual assault. In real life, everything was a competition to her - this meant sickness too. She seemed surprised when, reluctantly, I answered her questions about some of the medication I'd had to take. She told me I could get one of my medications for free from one of my father's workmates who in the dream was my area's local general practitioner. I can remember thinking in my dream head that she reminded me of a nasty version of Rory Gilmore from the television show Gilmore Girls - she had a well-off family, was well-read, ambitious to a fault. I remember thinking that it was nice of her to put aside her nastiness towards me for one conversation but was puzzled by it too. I was still very careful what I told her because I knew she was still capable of being nasty.

My mother was in the dream too but a bit later. She asked me if I wanted strawberries and I said yes. She gave me two but I demanded three in total. 

dream, Thu 29/12/2011

My friend B announced that she was pregnant which came as a shock because dream me assumed she was a virgin. She went to the doctor and told him that she didn't know how she got pregnant but had revealed that she'd been having sex with her housemate. I remember thinking that it was nice that she was still able to remain friends with her housemate even though they were sleeping with one another.

Throughout the dream, I was my high school self. The same level of unhappiness permeated everything. My surroundings felt slightly science-fictive. Nearly all the walls were slate blue. The colour was sad but somehow comforting.

dream, Tue 23/8/2011

I dreamt we were back in London, living there as a family, all grown-up. It was Christmastime and there was a knock at the door at 10.30pm. None of us were expecting any guests, relatives or visitors and it was common knowledge that if you weren't expecting anyone, things weren't going to end well if the door was answered. My parents argued with me and gave no care for my welfare and like a dutiful daughter, I opened the door and was shot to the head with a gun. 

I'd stepped out of my body at this point and saw the blood and brains spew forth from my skull. It was a woman who'd shot me, similar to me in appearance. 

Neither of my family cared and Christmas celebrations continued on as usual. Oddly enough, the dream didn't seem disturbing. It seemed perfectly fitting, as I watched over my family, that they shouldn't care though they seemed still to have some disagreement on whether or not they should let people in after a certain time. 

dream, Fri 22/7/2011

My dad moved all my belongings out of my bedroom because I was no longer needed. Him and Mum had decided that now that they had their grandson, I was no longer necessary. My things were put out in the sunroom and Dad's excuse for my not being needed anymore was that I didn't use my laptop case. I tried to explain that I did use it when he wasn't looking or couldn't see. 

My ex was supposed to join me in bed to hug me but she never turned up and I felt lost. Eventually, I found that she'd left notes to explain her absence but the notes had been hidden from me.

dream, Wed 20/7/2011

I had a lot of dreams, but only one really stands out because my sleep was broken.

Someone had torn pages out of a book or magazine. They were going to use them as scrap paper and when a sheet was handed to me, I was horrified because it was a bilingual Tagalog poetry book. I ran around, desperately trying to find the book it came from but no one cared. No one cared that these pages belonged in a kind of book that I imagine in real life would be hard to find. 

I ran aimlessly, searching for similar such books but never found any.

dream, Thu 14/7/2011

I tend to have the quirkiest dreams when I've had zolpidem (a sleeping pill) and broken sleep. This morning's dreams were crazy.

In some alternate version of the street in which my parents live. I see the neighbour directly across us pinch another neighbour's industrial lawnmower to mow his nature strip. I mimic shooting him to signal to him that I've caught him in the act then hop into my car and reverse out of my parents' driveway. 

Somehow this progresses to me seeing Rufus Sewell trolling people on a forum, not any forum I'm familiar with. The idea of the man playing Tom Builder in The Pillars of the Earth novel adaptation is hilarious. He's replied to me and said something nice and I'm pleased he's taken the time to reply to me even though I had no idea I was even a member of the forum.

After that I'm a tall skinny version of myself walking down a cobblestone in an alleyway. I try to start a fist fight with a boy who then becomes Prince, back when he was actually Prince and not that symbol. We both become insect-human beings and after that begin to copulate but by the time copulation has begun, I've become someone else and can see these weird insect-human things trying to have sex and it looks really awkward. 

There was a fourth bit but I've since forgotten it but it was uncharacteristically weird.